Take Me to Haverland: Part 1

1 August 2013

Dear Michael Haverland,

I discovered your work a few months ago when I visited the gorgeous Abernathy House, a lovely estate you renovated in Palm Springs. I quickly became obsessed with your work and am now embarking on a series to share it with the rest of the world. I’m starting with your Glass House project, a beautiful Hamptons home that’s basically made out of windows. I am obsessed with light, so it’s my dream to live in a house that is made out of glass.

All photographs courtesy Michael Haverland Architect. Photographs by Chris Bausch, Billy Cunningham, & Laurie Lambrecht.




I enjoy that the lines of the house are sharp and angular, like the ones on my pointy face.



I can’t tell if I want to hug these chairs or punch them, but I’d like to kidnap that Labradoodle and raise him as my own.





I also can’t tell if I’m into these room dividers. I mean, I clearly see that they serve a function, but I can totally see drunk grandma plowing into one after Christmas dinner and knocking the whole thing over.



I love this pink chair peeking around the corner. It’s all “Hay, I’m here. Being cute. Buy me something.”





How cute is this 1950s kitchen? I’d cook so many meals in there. Alone. At night. After the glass window panes had turned into black mirrors, a murderer standing right outside, undetectable to me as I cooked my salmon and spinach… Hello? Is anyone there?



I just can’t handle this glamourbathroom. If it were mine, I would just bathe all day, staring in the mirror and thinking about my privilege.



If this were my yard I would have to be unemployed, because all I would do all day is frolic and twirl whilst thinking about how rich and popular I was.




Oh hay it’s that pink chair again, luxuriating in the world’s most glamourous office.



An Eames chair fit for a flamingo. Glamour.


As dusk settles, it’s time to cozy up inside, knowing that just outside, a man in a mask is nostril-breathing, fogging up the glass, watching your every move.


He tiptoes around the yard as you read your novel. He’s getting closer…


Scared yet? Gimme your house.


12 Comment

  1. Kevin Orlin Johnson says:

    I love their work, and I Google-ogle it frequently. Very nice piece, Orlando. Thanks!

  2. Kevin Orlin Johnson says:

    By the way, thanks for explaining why it has a moat.

  3. Fantastic post!

  4. Keeping all that glass clean must be a nightmare; But the pink pieces are amusing. Glad to see you like pink stuff 😀

  5. jen says:

    So freaking fabulous. Sigh. Now I’m sad that I don’t live there. Although, I would totally fear being stalked by a murderer at night with all those glass walls.

  6. Alan Avery says:

    Boy, oh, boy. Your posts never cease to make me laugh. Audibly. At work. My coworkers are annoyed.

  7. Red rum says:

    Hahaha! Total murder house. You know what would be really scary? Vertical blinds. Everywhere.

    1. Orblogdo says:

      OMG. That just brought chills to my spine.

  8. Alicia says:

    I just love you. So much.

    In actuality it is me outside that window breathing foggy breath on the glass, longing to laugh at all of your jokes!


  9. Meg says:

    Love you, Love the house – HATE the room dividers.

  10. Romi says:

    You kill me! Loved this post so much. You are so funny! My husband wanted to buy a house in the Angeles Crest Forest many moons ago and this post reminded me of exactly how I felt about that particular house. It wasn’t made of glass but it certainly would have had the nostril breather moonlighting outside the kitchen window as you described so well.

  11. […] obsessed with your architectural projects and have embarked on a series to expose them to the world. This week’s feature is the glamourous Waterfront House in East Hampton, New […]

Comments are closed.