Creating A Glamourbedroom for The Zoe Report

Photographs by Tessa Neustadt Courtesy Homepolish  Dear Fashion Friends, Do you know Rachel Zoe’s glamorous lifestyle site The Zoe Report? Well recently Homepolish teamed up with them to do a gorgeous makeover for an even more gorgeous lady and her double gorgeous husband and baby (designed by me!). Megan (pictured with me above) is one of my favorite clients ever because she was so sweet and easy to work with. You can see the full write up of her home makeover, along with one funny joke and like seven lame ones, at Homepolish Magazine. Love, Orlando FULL STORY HERE>>>

How To Make Handpainted Wrapping Paper That’s So Simple It’s Stupid

Photographs by Sean Gin Courtesy Homepolish Dear Rapper T.I., I don’t know you, or want to know you, but I do know that you love rapping. And you know what? So do I! In honor of my love for rapping, I made my own wrapping paper this year. And so can you! All you’ll need is paper, paint, scissors, and courage. Also, you’ll need to make sure you have an outfit that color coordinates with your paint colors. Hurry, T.I., those presents aren’t going to wrap themselves! To read the full DIY of how to make wrapping paper that will knock…

Williams-Sonoma Grand Opening

Photographs by Sean Gin Dear Chuck Williams, I grew up being dragged to Williams-Sonoma constantly by my mother, who has an addiction to buying kitchen gadgets and beautiful linens. And tea towels. And basically everything else your company sells. I love going into Williams-Sonoma stores now, because it reminds me of all the time I spent there with my mom, learning things like what a lemon-zester was, and why we needed one. Thus, you can imagine my delight when Williams-Sonoma invited me to visit their freshly-opened store at South Coast Plaza, which is distinct amongst Williams-Sonoma stores because it features the Williams-Sonoma…

D.I.WHY? How To Make A Wreath That No One Else Has

 Photographs by Sean Gin Courtesy Homepolish Dear Holiday Crafters, Look at me. Holding that wreath like a psychopath. Do you want your own wreath that you can hold like a psychopath? If so, check out my glamourous how-to on Homepolish Magazine. In it, I’ll give you step by step instructions on how to make this wreath all on your own, as well as a few tips on how to live a life filled with erotic delight. Just kidding. What are you waiting for? Hurry on over to Homepolish Magazine and check it out! Love, Orlando FULL STORY HERE>>>

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10 Ways to Make Your Holidays Sparkle Without Looking Like The Huge Nerd You Really Are

Photograph by Daniel Collopy Dear Reader, It’s very important that you drop everything, even if it’s a baby, and read my latest post on Homepolish Magazine entitled 10 Ways to Make Your Holidays Sparkle Without Looking Like The Huge Nerd You Really Are. It features all the glamour and glitz of my Crate and Barrel holiday makeover WITH EVEN MORE TIPS on how to make your house horrendously happy for the holidays. Hurry! Orlando FULL STORY THIS WAY>>>

Literally No One Is An Insider

Photograph by Andy Fillmore via Filth & Wisdom Dear Lea Michele, A few years ago, I experienced for the first time being seen as an insider of sorts. I’d written a post about body image, which somehow aligned me with a group of body-neurotic, waxy Weho boys (for you non-gays out there, basically a “Weho boy” is a mean popular Gay who is accepted by all the other mean popular Gays, at least as I understand it). A lot of the comments on that post seemed to be coming from the perspective of people who felt alienated from the mainstream body-obsession…

Crate & Barrel + Hommemaker Holiday

Photographs by Daniel Collopy Dear Reader, Christmas. It’s always been a big deal for me. Maybe because I have always loved making things. Maybe because I grew up in a cabin that looked like a gingerbread house. Maybe because as a child I loved stories about weirdos who made their own Christmas decorations. My favorite was A Christmas Memory, the Truman Capote story about how his whole family hated him and how he and his best friend made Christmas tree decorations out of candy wrappers. Moral of the story: with a little creativity and imagination, you can make your Christmas celebration truly magical….

A Christmas Miracle Came Early And Is Going To Make Your Eyeballz Explode Violently From Their Sockets

Photograph by Daniel Collopy You Guys, Something is happening on Wednesday that is going to make your eyeballz explode out of your head, bounce off the wall across the room, and then plop back into your eye sockets just so that you can look at what’s happening on the internet. What’s happening on the internet is the Crate and Barrel has chosen me to be one of their inaugural Holiday Bloggers this year. For the next few weeks, Crate and Barrel will be featuring the amazing work of seven of the internet’s most creative writers, who will be covering everything from cooking, to crafting, to…

Watch This Infomercial for Meth!

Dear Potential Meth Addicts, PUT THAT METH DOWN AND WATCH THIS VIDEO! A few weeks ago I found myself watching one of those home shopping network channels at a hotel in Carmel and I couldn’t get over how ridiculous it was. It was October 30th and they were selling these crazy snow globe lamp things that were literally the ugliest, worst thing I’ve ever seen. But maybe not quite as bad a meth, which my friends Jeffery Self and Drew Droege make a case for in this parody of an infomercial. It’s actually a PSA for NOT doing meth, but…

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Fresh Feelings For Your Eyeballz: Fall Colors In Yosemite

Photography by Orlando Soria and Your Mom. Just Kidding His Mom. Dear Autumn, There’s something about you that makes me miss Yosemite. Growing up, fall was my favorite time of the year because it meant all the obnoxious summertime tourists were finally gone. Finally, I could ride my bike to the store without having to weave through sweaty tourists in American flag t-shirts eating ice cream and feeding Doritos to the animals. Fall is a magical time in Yosemite for other, more obvious reasons. Mainly that it’s disgustingly gorgeous and so romantic you’ll want to gouge your eyes out with a pumpkin…