Why Do I Deny Myself The Thing I Love Most?

14 January 2012

Dear Diary,

If you did a scan of my brain, it would look something like this:

Everything in my head is neon and bright and beachy (this is one reason why I love Los Angeles so much). I tend to shy away from using these colors in my apartment because my deepest fear (aside from dying alone, surrounding by cats) is making my apartment look like a gay cartoon rainbow explosion. But I can’t stop fantasizing about having this kind of color in my apartment:

Meanwhile, I just painted my walls this color (Benjamin Moore Half Moon Crest). Snore.

Oh, Diary, why do I deny myself the one thing I truly love? Especially when it’s right there before my very eyes? Why do I deny myself color?

Oh tender, delicate aqua walls, how I long to hold you in my arms and protect you.

And you, dip-dyed drapes. I long for your tender touch and companionship.

Teal, you’re the real deal. Will you be my Valentine?

I’m into you Tiffany Blue. I want to wrap myself up in you like an precious diamond ring.

And you, Navy Blue. You’re so dark and mysterious and handsome. Would you like to come home with me?

This looks like Cuckoo Christmas, but I still like it. (I must be really starved for color).

This color is tasteful and reserved. Just like me.

Yellow Kitchen, you are a bit cheesy. Why am I drawn to thee?

Oh green, rotting room. You disgust me. I must have you.

Hi, Barbie Room. I want to be with you but I can’t. My love for you must remain a secret.

Oh that I were that row of books, so that I could rest my quivering face against this delightful hue of aqua.

If I were a grandma, I’d snuggle into this Pretty In Pink space.

Yellow door, you’ll always be welcome in my bedroom.

Colorful cabinetry, you belong with me.

So why have I denied myself my one true love? Why is my living space a minefield of greys and neutrals? Fear. My fear of making my apartment look like a crazyhouse has overtaken my life. And I’m not going to take it anymore. Fear, get out of my house! I will order a custom sofabed in a glamourous Peacock Blue velvet:

I will bring in some gold. Perhaps in a bar cart.

I will replace my rug with something more graphic and exciting (sidenote: this rug is only $299 for an 8 x 10 from Crate & Barrel. Holler!):

So there we go. I’m not afraid anymore! I’m going to get what I want. And what I want is color.


PS: I wrote this song about my love for color. Note the happy ending:

19 Comment

  1. Jenny B says:

    Do it! GO FOR IT! Take pictures! ONE THOUSANDS YESSES!

  2. talking about being a grandma, let me whisper this: I love the sticky tile in the picture with the acqua cabinets the one where you wished you were a book!!! My first kitchen (renting) was orange and I noticed that when you’ve got lots of natural light in the space the bright color doesn’t become boring or overwhelming…now that I’ve got my own home and my husband is with me on this I’m considering acqua/turquoise cabinets or white cabinets with acqua+seafoam on walls and counters…yaaaay!!! those dip-dyed drapes are INCREDIBLE I’m going to look for a DIY, why? because I want them…may I pin some of your images on my COLORSTRUCK board? btw I mentioned your blog in one of my posts!! love to read you

  3. Lauren says:

    I need that bar cart.

  4. tess says:

    do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I have many of these colors at home and I love them (lavender/peacock blue/aqua/ green)

    my mother however says its like a house for clowns

  5. jeannette says:

    i had to buy a house so i could get me a pink girl cave. i have the same elle decor tearsheet with the yellow zig zag chair. i’m going to get that yellow zigging in the pink girl cave before i die. for real for real.

  6. sanctuaryhome says:

    Those ombre curtains are perfection! There are so many great ways to do color, I can’t wait to see what you come up with.

  7. Stevie says:

    I’m with Tess, I also have a house for clowns. I can do bold. I have no qualms painting a room a deep and beautiful teal (my living room!) or a rich orange (my entry way!). My problem is that I can’t do neutrals to save my soul. Every once in awhile I get a wild hair and think that I should paint a room a nice ecru or beige, but being faced with the actual paint samples sends me spinning. It’s too much subtlety, too many undertones. I ultimately pick a color that ends up looking like a band-aid, and within a week it’s covered right back up with fuchsia.

    So, I have your opposite problem. (But man, nothing makes me happier than my teal living room).

  8. Morgbu says:

    You are so right… step outside and embrace what you love… this is what life is about =)

  9. Morgbu says:

    love the sofa idea s2

  10. shae says:

    You are a looney tune. Just paint the walls, get sick of it and paint them again ad infinitum. (Also, I love the dip dyed curtains)

  11. tess says:

    where are the photos from?

    esp, love the moldering green room, blue room stuffed with books, guessing World of Interiors?

  12. Jonica says:

    i painted and decorated my apartment with colors and am always worried that people will think a rainbow exploded whenever they come over, but at the end of the day color makes me happy.

    i say go for it!!!!

  13. What a hoot…love your post !!! and I laughed out loud…with “the fear of dying alone with my cats”..you are a laugh. You and I could be best friends. haha. I know, I know we just met xx haha.
    Teal ..the real deal..you are right !
    Lynne xx

  14. Orlando! I wrote about this too, and your inner musings give me great hope for the future. I myself have had panic attacks about nail polish (perfection or death) and considered fleeing to a Brazilian favela to revel in the fun & magic of COLOR (if not much else).
    Anyhoodle, I love love love your site. And quote it a lot, much to the chagrin of my sports-and-stocks boyfriend.

  15. Alicia says:

    i say, go buckwild. you only live once. secretly i want neon yellow walls. someday….

  16. […] Hello beautiful light mint walls! And hello stunning dark blue door with an absurdly centered doorknob! That knob can’t be terribly practical, and some functionality-obsessed professionals may cry foul, but that thing is beautiful and unique and probably not opened often anyway so get over it! Also this is endorsed by Martha Stewart so take that. Photographed by Jonny Valiant, found via Homme Maker. […]

  17. […] Homme maker […]

  18. Where is the bar cart from?

  19. Diana says:

    I laughed out loud! Corny and fun, you are. Vivid color makes me swoon and smile. Vivid orange for my hair, once, and vivid orange for my boys’ room now. Cheers!

Comments are closed.