Extreme Makeover: Pinecone Lamp

3 December 2013


Dear Smokey The Bear,

Do you own any lamps? I bet you don’t. You don’t even have a shirt. But if you did own a lamp I bet you’d want to own a lamp like this awesome pinecone lamp I found recently at American Way Thrift in Burbank:


That’s right. I snagged this piece of garbage for $12.99! At first I thought it was the worst thing I’d ever seen. But just like Freddie Prinze Jr in She’s All That, I knew a makeover was possible. I started fantasizing about spraying it matte black and putting a simple drum lampshade on it. Check out how gross the speckle finish was:


Barf river! So I grabbed a can of Matte Black Spray Paint:


And ran home as fast as I could, screaming, foaming at the mouth the whole time about how amazing the lamp was going to look once I got rid of that horrible sponge painted finish. Just kidding I didn’t really scream. Well I did sort of. But just in my head (no comment on the mouth foaming).

I chose to spray it black because I wanted to simplify the whole situation. Like my personality, the structure of the lamp is overly complicated and ornate so I thought it should be paired down a bit.


When I spray items like this, I tend to spray them from all different angles to make sure I coat everything. Because of the pinecone details, there were a ton of nooks and crannies to get to. I did two coats on the front side, let it dry for 30 minutes, then flipped it over and did two coats on the backside. And by the end it became impossible to tell that the lamp was ever not matte black.



Because of my woodsy roots, I have a thing for woodland objects. Thus, I love the rustic mountain story this piece tells, along with its elegant structure.


I set the pinecone lamp on a bedside table, thinking to myself that even if I die alone in my sleep with no one to rush me to the hospital because I’m all alone, at least I’ll get to look at that pinecone lamp one last time before my totally tragic death.


22 Comment

  1. Jen says:

    Oh my god. I now need this lamp. My life is incomplete!!! D:

  2. Leigh Ann says:

    You are a genius and that lampshade is perfect. Bravo!

  3. Jen says:

    That lamp went from zero to hero.

  4. zedwards says:

    God that is brilliant. Just don’t die. But if you do lets hope you can cryo your brain (and handsome face) and save it for future generations to come. And leave the lamp to someone who could put it in the Smithsonian museum of design.

  5. Let’s take a deep breath and step away from the arts & crafts for a moment 😀 You make lovely things, but you’re one step away from sounding like you own 18 cats.

  6. Britt says:

    Love the mandible ashtray to complete the woodsy, smokin’ amongst pine cones feel. Brilliant as usual. The blog snow flurries are adorable.

  7. Love it.

  8. David says:

    Hell yeah!

  9. Catherine says:

    I want this lamp so bad!!

  10. Ok not only is this an amazing lamp (I’ve been coveting it since you posted it on IG, and how very Yosemite) but it’s snowing on your page. HOW IS IT SNOWING ON YOUR PAGE?

  11. Jane B. says:

    I’ve never commented. But you are hilarious. Please don’t ever stop or change your style. I don’t know how you think of phrasing things in this way. Like the Instagram post where you put up your drivers license from when you were 16? I still laugh literally out loud when I think of your comment. Anyways, thank you and please never change!!!!

  12. S says:

    You always make me giggle…out loud..all alone. I love your blog. And I love your lamp!

  13. rack says:

    you are hilarious. emily has a post up today where she makes some comments that were very orlando-esque

    I also thought I was having an aneurysm when I saw the snow at first. you are a genius.

  14. Lynn says:

    Did you have to sand it at all? The final product, lampshade and all, looks great.

  15. I love this lamp, but mostly, I love the snow!!! And now I’ve realized that is pretty much what everyone else has said, but you need to know how awesome it is. As I’m sure you do.

  16. Leah says:

    The lamp turned out great. This post was hilarious. I read it 3 times because it makes me laugh.

  17. pure genius. i need you in my life to re-do my entire house/wardrobe/life. when i win the lottery, i’ll let you know so we can plan accordingly.

  18. nautilusjv says:

    Hey Orlando!
    Fab piece! You have a great talent for spotting the ugly duckling & giving it a new life. Very chic! Plus you are a wonderfully witty & funny writer. Your posts always make me chuckle & smile.
    XO Kelly

  19. Amazing! When I saw the before picture I thought ‘Ugh, that thing is ugly as hell!’ but I absolutely love how it turned out!

  20. fredzaya says:

    Me encanta.

  21. Sarah says:

    Funny, talented, hardworking, gorgeous, and more!
    You’re da bomb!

    1. VS ZuCru says:

      I own 2 of these lamps…with original rectangular tapered lampshades!

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